You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
