Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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