I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
