Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
