I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
