My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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