Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
