i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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