My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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