Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
