Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
