You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
