You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
