I'm pants shitting drunk right now
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's shark week go big or go home
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
