do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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