i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
