My first STD was from a foam party
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
