Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
