eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
