His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
