he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
