so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
