You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
