I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
