she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
