if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My penis needs a shock collar
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
