so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize