I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
