Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
