i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
