i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
