What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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