when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
