You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
