Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
