already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
