You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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