I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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