I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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