Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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