I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
