Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
