Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
