im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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