....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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