Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
