He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
