I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
