Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
