Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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