as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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