I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
